When I was younger, I used to write stories all the time. All these stories about vampires and pirates and magic and animals that don’t exist. And sometimes I felt like I was in those stories. Like I was getting hunted by vampires, like I was a pirate, like I was some fantasy animal. Of course the stories I wrote were terrible, but I was nine so what do you expect? I used to want to be a writer. My Dad told me I shouldn’t aspire to be a writer because I probably wouldn’t make it. He was right, but I still nearly cried. I didn’t cry though. Crying isn’t something I do very often, and I never cry in front of people.
English was my favourite subject then. I don’t like it anymore. This term we studied ‘Lord of the Flies’ by William Goulding (I think he’s the author). I did my first ever gcse essay on the book, and I got a B. My Dad said that was disappointing; I agreed because I want to get straight A’s. I’ve always been confident I could get straight A’s, but not anymore.
Because high school kind of squeezes out every drop of confidence in you. At least that’s what I think it’s done to me. I hate high school. It was okay at first, back when I was caught up in trying to be cool and dumb and pretty. I woke up from the crazy dream I was living in last summer. I did something stupid with someone equally as stupid. But I don’t want to talk about that. But now I hate high school and what I let it do to me. It’s time to turn my life around. That’s my new years resolution: to turn my life around.
If you want to come with me on this ‘journey’ then I guess you could follow me or comment on my posts or something. I don’t really know what I’m doing. I’m only writing this because I need to know that at least one person understands. And I need to know at least one person won’t think I’m weird or judge me. I need to know that at least one person hates (or hated) high school as much as me even though they haven’t had any traumatic events in their life to make things harder for them.
Happy new year,